My Choice
by Smart Angel
Summary: We just came back from a 6 year journey around the world. It’s hard to believe, but it’s been six years since I’ve been home. OneShot


"Finally, they all left." Anna said, closing the door and sighing in relief.

"Oh, don't be so mean… You know you missed them as well!" I laughed, looking at her. It seemed that things were finally going back to the way it was suppose to be.

"Yeah, right." She uses that sarcastic voice of hers, but I know that she missed them. It doesn't matter how much she denies it, I know she missed them.

We just came back from a 6 year journey around the world. It's hard to believe, but it's been six years since I've been home. 7 since my brother became the Shaman King and told us that if we were able to change the world during that time period, he wouldn't kill the humans. We thought it was possible back then, that we could change the world, but we were wrong. We could do little things and help people, but we couldn't change every single human on the planet, no matter how hard we tried. We spent 6 years trying to make a world a better place, trying to show Nii-chan that there was little hope, but I don't know if we were able to. I believe the world is safe… For now at least. We tried our hardest, and after all these years, Nii-chan finally let us take a break.

So we came home. Home to our family and friends. A home we didn't visit for 6 years. Many things have changed yet so little as well. A few weeks after we came back from the Shaman Fight, our journey around the world still being planned, things were already changing. Horo-Horo went back to Hokkaido so he could work on his fields to help the environment, and Ren told us he would study and try to teach people about the things he learned over the past few months with us. Lyserg decided to become a detective like his father, and that would be the most effective way to use his sharp mind to help others. Chocolove said that he wouldn't be able to change people unless he first did his time in jail for all the things he did in the past. We kept in touch, but we didn't see each other every day. Tamao said she wanted to become a singer and touch people's heart with her music, and Ryu told me and Anna he would like to go with us and help us in our journey. Tamao promised she would look after the Inn until her singing carrier didn't start. Hanagumi started working on the Inn and Redseb and Seyrarm were adopted by my parents. Anna and I were going to leave and once we changed the world we would come back and start the life we had planned for us. That was how things were suppose to be.

But then we found out Anna was pregnant. Everyone was shocked, including me and Anna. We were always so careful, we didn't understand how it could have happened. We knew when, right after the Shaman Fight we… well… we spent the night together. Maybe we weren't as careful as before since we were so happy that we won…

Either way, Anna was pregnant, and that made us stop and change everything. We needed to think of a new plan. We were going to be parents, we couldn't just abandon our child! I refused to that in the beginning, and so did Anna. But we knew our friends couldn't change the world without us. And we couldn't just stay there, taking care of a child while knowing the entire world needed our help. Plus. If we didn't do anything, there wouldn't be a future for our child. We needed to make a decision. And so we did.

We were going to have the child and take care of him, for one year. Than we would go to our journey, leaving him in the cares of Tamao, Ryu and Amidamaru. Back then we thought we wouldn't be long. Just a few months. We were young and naïve, and even though I still believe we still can keep the promise we made to Hao, now I know we can't do it without sacrifices. Our sacrifice was our early relationship with our son, Hana.

When he was born it was the happiest day in my life. I loved him so much and I wanted to spend the rest of my life watching him grow. For a while I thought it was possible. I remember playing with little Hana, smiling and being the happiest I had ever been. When I talked to my friends he was all I could talk about. Anna was the same thing. We were so happy with Hana that for a while we forgot completely about our promise to Hao.

It was Manta who reminded us. I was going to buy groceries, and while grabbing the milk Manta asked me when we were planning to leave. I was confused, until he reminded me about our plan. Stay with Hana for a year and then leave for our journey. I was crushed. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to stay, watch him grow, be a good father. I wanted to see him smile, hear his first words and see his first steps. I wanted to be there on his first day of school.

When I went back home the guilt was crushing me. I was being selfish. I wanted to stay with my son, but every second I did that I put the world in even more danger. I had to go to the journey and save all of those people. I had to, that was the right thing to do… I think that was the first time I didn't want to do the right thing.

But I was very optimistic. I believed we could go out on journey and be back in a few months. That was all it was going to take. Two or three months, maximum of five months. That was what I believed. And Anna believed so as well. So we left Hana in Ryu, Tamao and Amidamaru's care, promising we would be back as soon as possible.

I still have nightmare about that day… Leaving Hana in the hands or someone else and walking away, hearing him cry and knowing he was trying to reach us.

But we didn't came back after a few months. We would help some people and learn about a tragedy somewhere else. Then we would go there and the same thing would happen. We didn't have a break. We kept going and going, but still optimistic. I think somewhere along the way we kind forgot how it was like to be at home and have Hana. I think we shut him out of our minds so we wouldn't miss him. SO we could concentrate on helping those people. While in the beginning Hana was all we talked about, just two years later we could go months without even mentioning his name. We needed to help those people, that was all we could think about.

And up until today, it was still like that. Sure, we were happy we were coming home, that Hao said we could take a break, that we needed to rest, but we still didn't felt any difference. We… We didn't miss it at all. We wanted to help more people until we were sure Hao wouldn't destroy anyone. Than we could go back to our lives the way it was before. That was what we told ourselves. We said the way our lives were before… And not our lives with Hana.

Our plan was to come home and stay a few months to then leave again. We needed to make sure the world was safe. But then we saw our friends waiting for us, talking about that day and how we couldn't change the world by ourselves. It was true, but we could still try. Everything would work out in the end, that's what we promised him.

But then I saw him. Hana, the little baby I left so long ago, all grown up. Tamao told us a few things about him in the mail, but I don't think I ever realized how much things had changed until I saw him there. He kicked me, saying "okaeri kick", and I realized that so many things had changed. He wasn't a baby anymore. He could walk, talk, read, write… Heck, he could even fight!

And during our dinner… I had a smile and I drank a lot, and most people may have thought I was really happy and really drunk. But I wasn't. I was used to drinking, since in many countries they gave Anna and I many different alcoholic drinks to celebrate what we did for them. I got used to it, I don't get drunk as easily as before. But today… I needed it. I was hurting so badly. I needed to be happy, I needed to make the pain go away. The pain of realizing that I wasn't part of my son's life. He didn't really care, our presence didn't make much of a difference. Ryu was the one helping him cut his food with a knife since he was used to eating with chopsticks and his food to be already cut, and Tamao was the one telling him that he had to eat everything if he wanted desert. Hanagumi were the ones who whispered something in his ear about school, making him go pale and run upstairs, trying to hide something, probably a bad grade. But he wasn't trying to hide it from me or Anna, he was trying to hide it from Tamao and Ryu. Because they were his parent-figures. Not us.

He probably doesn't even think of us as his parents. The story he heard about us were all about our heroic accomplishments, the people we saved and the things we could do. In his eyes, we were probably super heroes, nothing more. Just one of the legendary warriors and his wife, who was saving the world with him. He called us "Kaa-chan" and "Tou-chan", but it didn't mean anything to him. We were just two strangers, coming to spend the night at the Inn like so many others have done before. We weren't his parents…

I watched him the entire night along with Anna. It was hard, realizing that by leaving we damaged our relationship with the most important person in our lives. That because of that we could no longer be what we once were 6 years ago. That we had forgotten that we were parents, and now our son was being raised by someone else. That he didn't _love_ us… And for a while we didn't love him either.

So I needed to drink to numb the pain. I needed to smile and act stupid, like I did so many times before in front of my friends. I needed to hide my pain, hide my guilt. Hide the fact that I did something horrible, and now I was paying for it. So we partied all night. Maybe Hana now thinks of me as a drunken idiot and I lost all the little respect he still had for me.

And now they all left, Ryu and Tamao are sleeping, and we have the house to ourselves. Now we need to figure out what to do.

"Yoh…" Anna said, as if she could still read my thoughts.

"Yeah." I sigh tiredly "I know. We need to decide it."

She looked down.

"I never thought things would turn out like that…" she sighed "If only we could go back in time…"

"Than what would we change ?" I look at her, taking a deep breath "We would let all those people die? We would kill Nii-chan? Or maybe never have Hana?" I shake my head "Even if we could go back in time, things would still be complicated. We can't go back, so we need to figure out what to do about it now."

She nodded and then looked at the couch.

"I think first we need to put that little boy in bed." She had a small smile, quite different from the one she had a few hours ago while showing us that book about the Shaman Fight "He looks exhausted. He needs his sleep."

I smile and walk over to where Hana was, and carefully take him into my arms, just like I did when he was a baby. The difference is that now he isn't a baby anymore, being a lot heavier than before. But that was no problem for me. I could do it. It even made me smile, making me feel like a dad for the first time in six years. God, how I missed that feeling. And when Hana tiredly put his arms around my neck and rested his head on my shoulder, murmuring something about not wanting to go to school yet, I couldn't help but laugh quietly. But then I remembered that Ryu and Tamao must have done that a thousand times… Something that was entirely new to me, they had done it. They must have carried Hana to his bed so many times that it was no big deal to them, while to me it was a special moment that I would treasure forever. It shouldn't feel like it was special… I should be use to carrying him around. That's what a father should do.

I'm really the worst father in the planet. I've been all over the world and never saw a father neglecting his son as much as I did to Hana… No, that's a lie. My father did same with me.

I felt a sharp pain when realizing that. I didn't want things to be like that between me and Hana. I didn't want him to see me as I saw my father. I didn't want things to go that way. I wanted us to be different… I wanted to be like Ren. I want to be as much as father to Hana as Ren is to Men. I want to see all his birthdays and buy him gifts. I want to spoil him, to see him smile and to pick him up at school. Ren could save the world and still be a great father… Why couldn't I?

Slowly me and Anna went upstairs to Hana's room. It was a complete shock walking in and seeing a messy room of a 6 year old child while in our memories the room had a crib, rocking chair and other baby stuff. There were random sheets of paper everywhere, and his clothes were all over the floor. A few toys here and there.

I couldn't help but smile. It was so much like my room when I was his age.

I walk over to his futon and carefully place him in it, tucking him in and smiling as I see him move around a bit, bringing some red blanket close to his body and hugging it tightly, as if his life depend it on it.

I sigh. How much of his life have I missed? How many things are important to him and I don't even know? What can I do to make things better?

Should we really leave to save the world or should we stay home with Hana?

As I'm thinking about that, Anna comes to me and hands me something. A piece of paper. Well, as I pay more attention to it I see it's a small essay to practice writing. Hana's essay. It has a 30% written on top of it, probably the grade he tried to hide earlier today.

"No wonder he didn't want Tamao to see this." I say with a small smile on my face.

"The grade is not the only reason." And I can hear the cry in her voice "Read it."

And I do so. My eyes are also full with tears and my heart aching so much. I feel something on my throat and I don't know when was the last time that the urge of crying was so strong. In the essay Hana talked about Super-Heroes… And how he hated them. How he wished there none so he could have his parents with him. How he feels unloved and doesn't understand why all the parents put their children first but not his. He says he knows he is selfish, but that he wished that we wouldn't save the world, that we would take care of him instead… He says he hates superheroes and so… He hates us.

I gave Anna the paper and look at him again, this time with new eyes. Now instead of seeing my son who was raised by someone else, I see my son who was raised by someone else, but wished that we were there for him. Who was in pain and felt abandoned. I saw that my son didn't felt loved, that he wanted to be number one to someone… Anyone… And that all he wanted was to have a normal family like all the other kids.

And I can sympathize with that. I felt the same way when younger. Now I was doing the same thing to Hana.

I sigh, looking at Anna. Hana needed a safe place, but at the same time he needed his parents. I didn't want to risk his life by bringing him to a journey like the one I have been for the past 6 years. But I also didn't want to risk our relationship, risk losing him forever. My choices were my son or the chance that Hao may kill the humans.

"Anna…" I call her, silently "I have made my decision."

**Owari!!!! =DDD I hope you all liked this fanfic, I just wrote it after reading chapter 300! It's over, it really is over1!!! I'm so sad!!1T_T **

**Oh, and to those wondering what Yoh chose, I have no idea. I have to find out once Hana Epoch is published and translated, to see if Yoh and Anna left again or stayed. What they chose in the Manga is what they chose in this fic.**


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